NAGGING DOUBTS AND THE PHILOSOPHY OF POWER Sorry for the tardiness of this edition, folks, but yer old pal Jerky is grappling with a crippling case of writer's block… again. It's a particularly nasty block this time, with a multiplicity of causes, none of which are easily resolved or explained. Nevertheless, as an exercise in piercing this vexing mental membrane, I will attempt to do so. I request your patience for the next few paragraphs. As far as I can tell, the roots of this current blockage are three-fold. First is a nagging self-doubt. I have increasingly come to feel that -- especially but not exclusively as regards matters relating the global realpolitik - my opinions and suspicions are neither sufficiently grounded in verifiable data, nor all that interesting to anyone other than myself, to merit publication. This is due to a number of factors, not least of which is the increasing and calculated pollution of the media streams which constitute the sum totality of my information gathering resources. Corporate journalism is hopelessly compromised by trickledown meddling from management, ownership and above. The alternative media -- always something of a haven for attention-craving crackpots with dubious hidden agendas -- now play host to a growing number of agents provocateur. These PsyOps warriors dispense expertly crafted disinformation designed to send would-be truth-seekers dashing madly off in all directions, chasing wild geese, red herrings and jackalopes. Perfect cover for the crimes of their elite clientele. Knowing that most of the writers whose opinions I respect drink from the same poisoned well as I do only serves to compound my despair. How can you trust your instincts when you can't even trust the information on which said instincts are based? Which brings me to my second problem: outrage fatigue. Today, after six years of writing about The Powers That Be getting away with literal and metaphorical murder, I feel as though I know how Sisyphus felt as he rolled that boulder up the hill, over and over again, only to watch it tumble back to the bottom every time he came close to reaching the top. I imagine it's the exact same kind of fatigue which has caused Capitol Hill Blue founder Doug Thompson to finally call it quits. From his 'no mas' farewell editorial: "I'm tired and this tilting at windmills business is exhausting. I've been writing about the foibles, corruption and misdeeds of politicians for more than 40 years but the system we have today is worse than ever. I'm no longer sure that trying to educate a deaf audience through journalism is worth the time or the effort." While yer old pal Jerky isn't quite arrogant enough to consider himself an educator, he certainly groks Thompson's sentiment. So many Daily Dirt readers, with the best of intentions, write me, asking: "Why haven't you written anything about the missing White House e-mails, or that creepy Negroponte's appearance before the Senate Intelligence Committee, or the leaked documents that show Bush and Blair were planning to trick Saddam into war, or the missing billions in Iraqi reconstruction funds, or Halliburton's new no-bid contract to build detention camps on American soil?" My (so far unspoken) answer to these questions is an exasperated "What's the fucking point?" Writing about the crimes of The Powers That Be is beginning to feel like performing surgery on myself without anesthesia. It hurts like hell, and I only have a vague hint as to what I'm doing, which means I'll likely fuck it up in the long run. Which brings me to my third problem: Disillusionment. According to legend, the last words spoken by Hassan i-Sabbah - the Old Man of the Mountain, head of the Order of Assassins -- were: "Nothing is true; everything is permitted." It is a maxim that makes explicit the fundamental idea at the heart of existentialism, that every individual is free to do whatever he is capable of doing. Utterly and terribly free. Ethics, morals, religious precepts, laws; all are artificial constructs created by men of greater or lesser wisdom, and all may be ignored by any individual or group possessing sufficient will and determination. In other words, when Thrasymachus told Socrates: "justice is the advantage of the stronger", and that "injustice, if it is on a large enough scale, is stronger, freer, and more masterly than justice", he was right. The idea that the United States is a nation of laws is, and perhaps has always been, a lie. Maybe there's some truth to the idea that it's a "noble lie" in the tradition of Leo Strauss and his neoconservative disciples -- heirs to Thrasymachus' philosophy of power, via Machiavelli, Hobbes and Nietzsche -- but it remains a lie. Maybe our problem isn't that we're being lied to. Maybe our problem is that we're being lied to poorly. And anyway, what good does it do us to know that it's a lie? That there is no set of rules that can't be gamed, that even commandments etched in stone can be chipped and chiseled away, given the right tools and mindset? In the bible, God forbade Adam and Eve to eat fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. The philosopher John Stuart Mill declared, only half jokingly, that "ignorance is bliss". In The Big Lebowski, Walter salves his friend's angst by declaring: "Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowling." I, for one, am beginning to think these gentlemen were on to something. Are you confused? Are you sick of it all? Are you ready to call it quits and throw in the towel? Do you secretly wonder if it's you, not them? Are you constantly amazed by the daily parade of bald-faced liars who force their way into your living room and spew demonstrably ridiculous propaganda in your face as though their very lives depended on it? If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then at least you know you're not alone. Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY February 2 On this day in 1852, the first British public men's restroom opens on Fleet Street, in London. Minutes after the groundbreaking ceremony, the first ever anonymous gay public restroom blowjob takes place. On this day in 1878, Greece declares war on Turkey. Sounds like Thanksgiving dinner at Chateau LeBoeuf! On this day in 1882, a bunch of Catholic guys who are jealous of the Freemasons start their own "secret society" -- the Knights of Columbus -- in New Haven, Connecticut. Their greatest achievement so far? Getting "under God" inserted into the Pledge of Allegiance in the 1950's, then convincing everybody that it was there all along. On this day in 1893, the first ever "money shot" (a.k.a. close-up of a biological function) takes place when an Edison Studios cameraman captures a sneeze on hi-speed film. On this day in 1933, 2 days after becoming chancellor, and 1 day after promising not to dissolve the German parliament… Adolf Hitler dissolves the German parliament. The moral of the story? Never change your country's constitution to allow an Austrian immigrant to become head of state! The G.I. Joe line of action dolls for boys debuts on this day in 1964. Sales are brisk until early 1972, when a platoon of action figures is found guilty of committing war crimes during the siege of Leggo Land, including the wanton slaughter of over a hundred unarmed Weebles and multiple Kewpie Doll rapes. On this day in 1986, the Dalai Lama confronts Pope John Paul II in India. Their meeting went something like the Saruman/Gandalf confrontation in the movie version of The Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Ring.

THEY SAID IT! "I mean, we've got Chavez in Venezuela with a lot of oil money. He's a person who was elected legally -- just as Adolf Hitler was elected legally -- and then consolidated power and now is, of course, working closely with Fidel Castro and Mr. Morales and others." - DefSec Donald Rommelsfeld comes thisclose to calling Venezuela's socialist reformer president Hugo Chavez a murderous fascist dictator. Further underlining the brutal irony of his remarks, Rummy declared that "corruption is something that is corrosive of democracy." Hey, whaddaya know? Maybe 9/11 did kill irony, after all. *** **** *** "A few years ago, genetic engineering became a huge stock market issue. It was suddenly possible to mutate bacteria and produce super-specific germs which would only affect certain ethnic groups. You then have a really cheap, cost-effective way of putting your enemies' lights out without damaging the real-estate." - Frank Zappa (1940-1993), early subscriber to the "HIV as WMD" theory of AIDS, the arrival of which just so happened to coincide with the rise of the reactionary evangelical far-right in American Power Politics.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Ricky! A man, returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agreed. Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and cabby tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his beautiful young wife in bed with an older man. The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous! I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for your season Yankee Tickets. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues!" Shaking his head from side-to-side the husband slowly lowered the gun. He looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do?" The cabby said, "I'd cover his ass up with that blanket before he catches a cold." *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Richard O for sending in today's second joke. Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said. "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?" "My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny. "Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted. "No, said Johnny, but he minded his own freakin' business." WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Trembly Dale... A man is out with his row boat when suddenly a passing speed boat raises huge waves and his oars fall overboard. He is stranded out in the middle of the lake with no way to paddle to shore. After about 2 hours he sees another row boat going by with a man and two women in it. The first man yells "Can I borrow one of your oars?" The other man yells back "They're not whores... they're my sisters."

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: BLACK GOLD, GREEN EYES care of: D. Andrews ExxonMobil has teamed up with Saudi Aramco and the Chinese state-controlled oil group Sinopec in a $3.6-billion refinery project in China’s southern Fujian province. The refinery is being built specifically to process Saudi Arabian crude. And Saudi Aramco is also in talks with Sinopec for a share in its 200,000-barrels per day refinery project in China’s eastern Shandong province. Saudi Arabia can not produce much more oil than it is doing now, so that means that they will have less and less to sell to American refineries. Bottom line: Our misguided policies in the Mid-East are causing our "allies" there to turn away from us and go for "other markets". This will cost us big time and even Bush now has to consider that we need to do what Carter (remember him?) tried to do. That is, make us less dependant on oil by looking at alternate energy, etc. We may be too late. Need proof? Not only Saudi Arabia, the world’s only oil producer with any extra capacity, is busy finding and developing new customers in the two countries with the fastest growing energy demand in the world, China and India, but so are almost all the other oil producing countries as well. Meanwhile, our own oil demand, and dependence on foreign imports, is also growing by leaps and bounds. The United States represents just 5% of the world’s population but already consumes a fourth of the world’s oil. Meanwhile, even as our demand has been rising, our domestic production and refining capabilities have been falling steadily (for over 30 years)! The oil companies cut refining production to keep prices up. It has worked well for them. Now look at these key facts: 90% of all our transportation is powered by oil. 95% of everything we buy requires oil in its manufacture or its long-distance transport. The U.S. has only 2% of the world’s oil reserves. The average fuel efficiency of U.S. vehicles is falling. Our electricity use is rising. In other words, we’re becoming more dependent on oil, not less. Like it or not, if we’re going to use more oil, we will have to get it from the countries that still have significant reserves, like those in the Persian Gulf. Canada and South America (and Africa) have already made deals with China and India, thumbing their collective noses at our government. And we are seeing the Middle East turning away from the U.S. to China and India. Any hopes we might have for less expensive energy seem mired in a morass of rising fundamentalism, imperial hubris gone bad, wannabe nuclear tyrants, and short-sighted political decisions based on greed here at home. Where is America going to get its next new energy supplies? Alaska? Not really, as that would only be a drop in the bucket (but will make some people really rich(er)). Well, if we had listened to President Carter, we would be well on our way to new energy technologies and ahead of the rest of the world, not behind the 8 ball as we soon will be. Yes, it is a political decision. Listen to our political leaders. Then look at what they do. Are they doing what they said, or are they lying to us again? We gotta do something and soon. Any ideas? D. Andrews [Aw, you're just JEALOUS!!! - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! Yo, Jerky: A recent contributor to Daily Dirt was asking your opinion about the proper firearm for picking off those pesky post-Armeggedon zombies after the food runs out. He obviously doesn't know jack shit about weaponry, because that bigass piece he was talking about will put more holes in your walls than in the perp. And the recoil will knock you off your feet and bruise your shoulder. The best homestead security devise is by far the mini-14 semi-automatic rifle. It's lightweight but powerful, highly accurate, has virtually no recoil, and will hold a 30-round banana clip without modification. You can't ask for a better hunk of personal protection. The trouble is, they ain't cheap. An American-made Ruger mini-14 costs between 1,200 and 2,000 dollars, depending on the gun dealer. Or, you can just catch the local crackhead when he's hurting real bad, and he'll go steal you one for a hundred bucks. Jessie The Swampwitch [Thanks for the tips, SW! - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey J-Man; It really does suck the long hard one that the PTB are collecting all this info about everyone. Makes one wonder what the key words and phrases are. We could really create a lot of work for some people if we just knew a few of them... SPAM CITY! You should give a shout out for your west coast neighbor Cesar The Dog Whisperer, that guy is great to watch. If you love dogs like I do you'll love this guy. It must be hell keeping all us mutts informed, but if anyone can do it you the MAN! Ubrokit [Shout out! - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; Reference the Hamas win in Palestine and the Shite domination of the Iraqi elections, ain't it a bitch when democracy works? No wonder the PTB are afraid of an honest direct election in the US. Brummbaer [I don't like the implications of that, either way. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; Did you watch The Daily Show last night? Stewart had on the dude who wrote 'Nowhere to hide', about Bush's wire-tapping and information gathering schemes. Stewart made a good (and frightening) point: The software they are using to collect our information is -- essentially -- the same software Amazon.com uses to make their "Amazon Recommends" pics. And Amazon.com is ALWAYS WRONG. And there's a big difference (in my mind at least) between Amazon.com saying "you browsed Queer as Folk, so you might like a book on Anal Fisting", and the Pentagon saying "This guy looked at McGuyver and bought rubber bands, so he's planning on building a bomb." CT [Which is scarier? An omniscient government, or an incompetent one? - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerkster; Sammy Hagar is living proof that there are still some very high quality drugs available out there. Not sure what it might be, but it is definitely not 5% THC. Syd [You're talking about Sammy's UFO experience, right? If "the Nine" are wasting their time "downloading" Sammy Hagar's brain, I don't think we need to worry about them taking over the world any time soon. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky... check out this list. This guy is almost as good as you are... Krooozer [The Buffalo Beast is an awesome publication. They are FOJ (Friends of Jerky), even though they probably don't know it. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; Picked up a free copy of the Wall Street Journals. I could not believe the bullshit that they print. I used to read it 15-20 years ago and thought it was a little better. Have they changed? They consistently put out numbers that everyone else says are meaningless. The measurements they use are designed to produce positive results. Inflation at 4-6 percent, then why did paint go up almost 100%, wood in general, 30-60%, metal 50-80%?! I guess I'm not mad about prices, things will get worse. It's just hard to plan when the govt won't tell the truth. Like playing cards and you never get to see your hand, you have to believe what your opponent tells you. Not much fun. But as long as we have the J-Man we will survive!!! Jon [Um... I wouldn't count on that if I were you. - Jerky]

Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: feedback@dailydirt.com